Saturday, January 31, 2009
went out with mich and WJ yesterday. i think we make a very comfortable friendship. michie never feels so awkward around WJ and WJ likes to antagonize her and vice versa admittedly. she'll always make a comment or two about being a lightbulb but in truth, she's a very wanted lightbulb. hahaha.
anyways went out to dinner at the cafe. WJ's treat to me plus mich and i have been DYING to meet up and eat at the cafe anyways. like WJ put it 'eat and enjoy before someone ruins our moods'. so yeah.
cabbed down to katong mall so michie can meet that person while me and WJ walked around before settling down in one of those coffee shops -i think everyone there could see how uncomfortable i was. hahahha. then cabbed back to parkway to make the videoezy payment that has been long OVERDUE.
we were in a happy, hyped up mood so we cabbed down to leisure park. (what is it with mich and WJ that we totally cab everywhere?) bought tix to watch love matters at 10plus but it was only eightplus so we went to the arcade for awhile. then me and mich faffed around in the supermarker -aching for alcohol yet unsure over snacks. then WJ dragged us to starbucks (YAY!) where i drank my fave, choco cream chip frapp. =)
then we walked around again, stopped at 7-11 then went back to the supermarket. we were half tempted to buy a tub of ice-cream and eat it through the movie. didnt happen though. the movie sucked. note to self: never take WJ's bro's recommendations on movies again.
me and mich wanted to go kbox or bowling but WJ was in a grumpy mood so we cabbed back. xD i asked to take the bus but i was outvoted.
anyways tonight we're supposedly going chompchomp for snacking. mich and i resolve to go back to gym next week but we wanna enjoy some good food before that. hahha. so much for resolving to lose weight. xD
anyways went out to dinner at the cafe. WJ's treat to me plus mich and i have been DYING to meet up and eat at the cafe anyways. like WJ put it 'eat and enjoy before someone ruins our moods'. so yeah.
cabbed down to katong mall so michie can meet that person while me and WJ walked around before settling down in one of those coffee shops -i think everyone there could see how uncomfortable i was. hahahha. then cabbed back to parkway to make the videoezy payment that has been long OVERDUE.
we were in a happy, hyped up mood so we cabbed down to leisure park. (what is it with mich and WJ that we totally cab everywhere?) bought tix to watch love matters at 10plus but it was only eightplus so we went to the arcade for awhile. then me and mich faffed around in the supermarker -aching for alcohol yet unsure over snacks. then WJ dragged us to starbucks (YAY!) where i drank my fave, choco cream chip frapp. =)
then we walked around again, stopped at 7-11 then went back to the supermarket. we were half tempted to buy a tub of ice-cream and eat it through the movie. didnt happen though. the movie sucked. note to self: never take WJ's bro's recommendations on movies again.
me and mich wanted to go kbox or bowling but WJ was in a grumpy mood so we cabbed back. xD i asked to take the bus but i was outvoted.
anyways tonight we're supposedly going chompchomp for snacking. mich and i resolve to go back to gym next week but we wanna enjoy some good food before that. hahha. so much for resolving to lose weight. xD
what we could have been, 1:12 pm.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
andria's flying off like tomorrow. this is so sad. wanted to spend time with her plus introduce her to my dearest bf (both never officially met but he's seen her waving to me like a mad woman on more than one occasion...).
so went out to watch bride wars together. one thing about comedy-lovey movies is to go with friends PLUS boyfriend. why? things you wanna say but cant find the right words tend to come out and dear bf might HOPEFULLY pick up on it. and you can giggle and comment about clothes, looks, hair styles with your friends.
on another note, my dad found out that my granddad has a transcript in the singapore archives. i hope we get to hear it. i miss my grandpa but everyday, the feeling slowly dissapates and another warm, fuzzy feeling overcomes. if i had a chance, i wish i could have told him i love him and i'm proud of all that he's done, for his family and country.
so went out to watch bride wars together. one thing about comedy-lovey movies is to go with friends PLUS boyfriend. why? things you wanna say but cant find the right words tend to come out and dear bf might HOPEFULLY pick up on it. and you can giggle and comment about clothes, looks, hair styles with your friends.
on another note, my dad found out that my granddad has a transcript in the singapore archives. i hope we get to hear it. i miss my grandpa but everyday, the feeling slowly dissapates and another warm, fuzzy feeling overcomes. if i had a chance, i wish i could have told him i love him and i'm proud of all that he's done, for his family and country.
what we could have been, 10:26 pm.
Monday, January 26, 2009
i seriously have no mood to blog. its really sad. i just have too many thoughts and emotions running to make a coherent blog. 'nuff said.
what we could have been, 10:48 pm.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
have you ever had those kind of soulmate feeling moments? its like having this fantastic chemistry and rapport with another person, male, female or otherwise. over the past few years, i've been mulling over what, how and who qualifies, that i stupidly nearly missed one right in front of my eyes.
i think he knows it. and maybe i've let him lord over me about it. but admittedly, i loved him wholeheartedly enough to know that if anything happen, i would drop everything at the drop of the hat and follow him.
at least at the climax of our friendship. yes, friendship. weirdly enough, love did blind me but not in the sense that most people would expect. for people like kat, andria, rest assured when the time comes, i'd be there but for people like him, as well as one or two others, its much different.
i get all breathless at times over it. my heart seems to constrict over the thought of losing them. and i'm impatiently waiting for them to reply. i know its reciprocated but yet, the behaviour.. its unbelievable. i sound like either a hopelessly in love admirer or a spurned ex-wife. but i'm neither. so what is this really? i think i'm really in for a long wait on this answer.
i think he knows it. and maybe i've let him lord over me about it. but admittedly, i loved him wholeheartedly enough to know that if anything happen, i would drop everything at the drop of the hat and follow him.
at least at the climax of our friendship. yes, friendship. weirdly enough, love did blind me but not in the sense that most people would expect. for people like kat, andria, rest assured when the time comes, i'd be there but for people like him, as well as one or two others, its much different.
i get all breathless at times over it. my heart seems to constrict over the thought of losing them. and i'm impatiently waiting for them to reply. i know its reciprocated but yet, the behaviour.. its unbelievable. i sound like either a hopelessly in love admirer or a spurned ex-wife. but i'm neither. so what is this really? i think i'm really in for a long wait on this answer.
what we could have been, 2:43 am.
well... exactly a week ago, my grandpa, the only one i've grown up with and acknowledge, passed away. and.. i guess it makes it very difficult for me to talk about it. my grandma's distraught about her loss, which everyone understands. but somehow, despite the response from family and friends, i cant find closure.
i'm sad to say that if someone asked me to pray to god about it, i'm gonna ask them to stick their advice in a place where the sun doesnt shine. cliche but true.
i've cried so much to the point where i sound and probably look like i'm in the midst of a panic attack but afterall the lonliness comes back. no, its not like i'm crazily close that i must see them at least once a week. but grandpa made me feel special, smart. i never had to feel stupid or inadequate because he isnt like my parents, particularly my mom who never fails to put me down at any chance.
you know.. until the casket was officially covered, i kept hoping and watching that it was all a bad joke. that my granddad would open his eyes and sit up. i was that much in denial.
grandpa was like the sun to me. a strong, confident, nearly blinding presence. but it gave you the sense of warmth and security. and until today i still think so. our family is like the stars and planets -all gravitating towards him, happy enough to be around. now that he's gone, its like we've been thrown into a limbo.
anyways i just wanted to thank some people in particular who were there for me during this particularly trying time.
1. Uncle Bala - No. 9 in the long line of granduncles and grandaunts yet he's the only one i've met who bores a nearly striking resemblance. he knew the right things to say, to help me accept my grief.
2. My Aunt Jane - Taking short snack breaks with me during the long days and even longer nights at the wake. Always so bubbly and cheerful. PLEASE GIVE ME A COUSIN to cuddle and care for!
3. Debs & Kat - For turning up at the wake. Just when I needed support, they came despite my extended family's not-so-open views on christianity.
4. WJ, Ryan, Kris, Nelly & Michelle - For maintaining what's left of my emotions in check. Comforting me, listening to all my ramblings. Trying to distract me by telling me loads of hilariously funny stories/adventures or bringing me out despite my unwillingness.
i'm sad to say that if someone asked me to pray to god about it, i'm gonna ask them to stick their advice in a place where the sun doesnt shine. cliche but true.
i've cried so much to the point where i sound and probably look like i'm in the midst of a panic attack but afterall the lonliness comes back. no, its not like i'm crazily close that i must see them at least once a week. but grandpa made me feel special, smart. i never had to feel stupid or inadequate because he isnt like my parents, particularly my mom who never fails to put me down at any chance.
you know.. until the casket was officially covered, i kept hoping and watching that it was all a bad joke. that my granddad would open his eyes and sit up. i was that much in denial.
grandpa was like the sun to me. a strong, confident, nearly blinding presence. but it gave you the sense of warmth and security. and until today i still think so. our family is like the stars and planets -all gravitating towards him, happy enough to be around. now that he's gone, its like we've been thrown into a limbo.
anyways i just wanted to thank some people in particular who were there for me during this particularly trying time.
1. Uncle Bala - No. 9 in the long line of granduncles and grandaunts yet he's the only one i've met who bores a nearly striking resemblance. he knew the right things to say, to help me accept my grief.
2. My Aunt Jane - Taking short snack breaks with me during the long days and even longer nights at the wake. Always so bubbly and cheerful. PLEASE GIVE ME A COUSIN to cuddle and care for!
3. Debs & Kat - For turning up at the wake. Just when I needed support, they came despite my extended family's not-so-open views on christianity.
4. WJ, Ryan, Kris, Nelly & Michelle - For maintaining what's left of my emotions in check. Comforting me, listening to all my ramblings. Trying to distract me by telling me loads of hilariously funny stories/adventures or bringing me out despite my unwillingness.
what we could have been, 2:11 am.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
had to send my laptop for repairs. apparently the dvd disc drive/optimal whatever drive was likely to have kaput on me. also had to send the older lappie for repairs coz some keys of my keyboard was spoilt. BOO!
so anyways probably wont be blogging for a few days. btw, the acer laptop sucks. i can only use it for 20 mins before it overheats and shuts down on me. BLEAHS. now i know why WJ hates using the acer laptop when he comes to my house. heehee. =x
so anyways probably wont be blogging for a few days. btw, the acer laptop sucks. i can only use it for 20 mins before it overheats and shuts down on me. BLEAHS. now i know why WJ hates using the acer laptop when he comes to my house. heehee. =x
what we could have been, 7:39 pm.
I WANT A SONY VAIO CS!!!
although i cant decide if i want it in pink, black or white. hmmmm. its BE-YOO-TI-FUL. and plus i need more a new laptop if i want to play sims3. my current laptop is overrun with sims2 already. hiiiks.
oh and will someone buy me the edward cullen doll? PRETTY PLEASE?!?! funnily enough, its being sold from an american clothes shop. hence my weird desperation and fascination.
although i cant decide if i want it in pink, black or white. hmmmm. its BE-YOO-TI-FUL. and plus i need more a new laptop if i want to play sims3. my current laptop is overrun with sims2 already. hiiiks.
oh and will someone buy me the edward cullen doll? PRETTY PLEASE?!?! funnily enough, its being sold from an american clothes shop. hence my weird desperation and fascination.
what we could have been, 10:50 am.
Monday, January 12, 2009
its so freaking unfair that everything is my fault when YOU screwed up my chances. dont blame me for something that was your fault. fuckyouverymuch. i'm so sick of being your doormat. no matter how well i do something, its not worth recognizing. but when i fail, you highlight it to every goddamn person.
i'm sick of it. ever since i was a kid, everything i do isnt good enough. i'm tired of you putting ideas and words in my mind and mouth and when it happens, you blame it on me, my friends, my boyfriend, everybody and anybody whose important to me.
you know, one day it'd be your turn to be helpless and thankgod, i hate you and the responsibility will be lumped onto someone else who loves to kiss up to you because i wont be there. or maybe i will -just to rub it in your face ya know?
i tried. love. a child may love unconditionally. but as a forgotten kid growing up? the only love you'd get from any of us if you get us something we want. you've seen it for yourself. a man who provided for his siblings and children for nearly his entire life has all their support. in your case, its likely to be the opposite. maybe care, concern but we'll be fighting to toss off responsibility.
i'm sick of it. ever since i was a kid, everything i do isnt good enough. i'm tired of you putting ideas and words in my mind and mouth and when it happens, you blame it on me, my friends, my boyfriend, everybody and anybody whose important to me.
you know, one day it'd be your turn to be helpless and thankgod, i hate you and the responsibility will be lumped onto someone else who loves to kiss up to you because i wont be there. or maybe i will -just to rub it in your face ya know?
i tried. love. a child may love unconditionally. but as a forgotten kid growing up? the only love you'd get from any of us if you get us something we want. you've seen it for yourself. a man who provided for his siblings and children for nearly his entire life has all their support. in your case, its likely to be the opposite. maybe care, concern but we'll be fighting to toss off responsibility.
what we could have been, 10:12 pm.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
so.. i probably wont be regularly updating my blog until when i get very very VERY bored (e.g. in school or whatever shite). so yeah.
anyways. went out today. WJ picked me up on the way to drop me off at Kris and Nelly's place. i thought their houses were around the same area but according to WJ its TOO DAMN FAR. well.. he should bloody get a car so then we can stop taking public transport and i get hitch free rides. =D
Nelly didnt go to school today. not sure why really. ordered macs then we settled down to play their wii games. mind you, i've been wanting an xbox 360 solely for the rockband game. but actually wii is kinda fun.
although its totally gimmicky. the system is pretty lousy considering all the hype and promotion. the mii chars are like those games from lego -huge heads, small, non-descript bodies.
anyways we managed to kill the day playing wii obssessively. then we watched a movie in the evening. erm.. forgot the name but its a really old one starring marilyn monroe. FANTASTIC.
okay. erm. belated birthdays. >.<
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AXEL~!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAIA~!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERENE~!
anyways. went out today. WJ picked me up on the way to drop me off at Kris and Nelly's place. i thought their houses were around the same area but according to WJ its TOO DAMN FAR. well.. he should bloody get a car so then we can stop taking public transport and i get hitch free rides. =D
Nelly didnt go to school today. not sure why really. ordered macs then we settled down to play their wii games. mind you, i've been wanting an xbox 360 solely for the rockband game. but actually wii is kinda fun.
although its totally gimmicky. the system is pretty lousy considering all the hype and promotion. the mii chars are like those games from lego -huge heads, small, non-descript bodies.
anyways we managed to kill the day playing wii obssessively. then we watched a movie in the evening. erm.. forgot the name but its a really old one starring marilyn monroe. FANTASTIC.
okay. erm. belated birthdays. >.<
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AXEL~!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAIA~!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERENE~!
what we could have been, 10:41 pm.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
i'm totally in love with the show, the nanny. suresure, it's kinda old. at least 15 years old if i'm not wrong. but its so funny and hilarious. its a mixture of american and british sarcasm and humor. I LOVE IT.
the butler, niles, has the best witty remarks while fran, the nanny, has the most stupidest jokes and 'rules'. why cant today's tv shows be this good?
oh yeah. i think james marsden acted in the show. i'm not terribly sure but he plays the older, shy daughter's first boyfriend, eddie. and it looks like a younger version of the person he played in hairspray so.. yeah.
and i'm ranting.
yep.
the butler, niles, has the best witty remarks while fran, the nanny, has the most stupidest jokes and 'rules'. why cant today's tv shows be this good?
oh yeah. i think james marsden acted in the show. i'm not terribly sure but he plays the older, shy daughter's first boyfriend, eddie. and it looks like a younger version of the person he played in hairspray so.. yeah.
and i'm ranting.
yep.
what we could have been, 10:16 pm.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
went out with kristen and nelly today. OMGGAWh. i havent seen them since like two days ago? well.. actually it doesnt really count since the last time i properly hung out with them was like mid-2008 i think? maybe earlier. who knows.
anyways, was late. my bad. teehee. kristen was REALLY impatient to watch twilight but i suggested we get the butt-falling, foot-blistering activity outout of the way first. wanna guess?
ICE-SKATING.
that's right. i -who seems to have a bad sense of perception and tends to be unable to stop on rollerblades, went ice-skating. and happily enough, i didnt fall at all. nelly fell like a bajillion times -one attempt was to cling on to me and surprisingly i didnt fall but she fell after letting go and grabbing on to kristen.
then after skating, we rested our aching feet at pastamania. there was a reallyreally cute newborn there. he looked totally BORED at everything. in fact he even yawned and went to sleep amidst the noise.
then we went to buy snackies at the supermarket for the movie. that's when the madness started. kristen started nudging me coz the angmoh guy who walked past us looked like daniel craig, the bond movie guy. -.-''
he was wearing those raybans kind of sunglasses so i really cant say i could see much resemblance, aside from the hair. so they tried to discreetly take a picture of him. the keyword was tried. the lady friend noticed them immediately and laughed and told the daniel craig lookalike.
anyhoos. watched twilight for, again, bajillionth time. i think i could settle for Carlisle Cullen. he's too hot to bypass too. hahahha.
then went bowling. i bowled a pretty good round the first time but the second game, i was kinda like watching the japanese family next to us. the older daughter, about ten or eleven, is extremely pretty. and she's got the typical japanese can-carry-off-any-style-without-looking-ridiculous genes.
and we played the drum game at the arcade after bowling. i suck at keeping the foot thingy beat. and we cheated coz we ended up helping kristen in her attempt, then they helped me during mine. hahhaa.
we played the motocross game too -for old times sake. and we still love it. =D
i cant wait til monday when we'll hang out again. but until then, i'm still wondering how i managed to let nearly an entire year pass without actually talking or hanging out with them. its just plain amazing that someone so close can be so far away and vice versa.
anyways, was late. my bad. teehee. kristen was REALLY impatient to watch twilight but i suggested we get the butt-falling, foot-blistering activity outout of the way first. wanna guess?
ICE-SKATING.
that's right. i -who seems to have a bad sense of perception and tends to be unable to stop on rollerblades, went ice-skating. and happily enough, i didnt fall at all. nelly fell like a bajillion times -one attempt was to cling on to me and surprisingly i didnt fall but she fell after letting go and grabbing on to kristen.
then after skating, we rested our aching feet at pastamania. there was a reallyreally cute newborn there. he looked totally BORED at everything. in fact he even yawned and went to sleep amidst the noise.
then we went to buy snackies at the supermarket for the movie. that's when the madness started. kristen started nudging me coz the angmoh guy who walked past us looked like daniel craig, the bond movie guy. -.-''
he was wearing those raybans kind of sunglasses so i really cant say i could see much resemblance, aside from the hair. so they tried to discreetly take a picture of him. the keyword was tried. the lady friend noticed them immediately and laughed and told the daniel craig lookalike.
anyhoos. watched twilight for, again, bajillionth time. i think i could settle for Carlisle Cullen. he's too hot to bypass too. hahahha.
then went bowling. i bowled a pretty good round the first time but the second game, i was kinda like watching the japanese family next to us. the older daughter, about ten or eleven, is extremely pretty. and she's got the typical japanese can-carry-off-any-style-without-looking-ridiculous genes.
and we played the drum game at the arcade after bowling. i suck at keeping the foot thingy beat. and we cheated coz we ended up helping kristen in her attempt, then they helped me during mine. hahhaa.
we played the motocross game too -for old times sake. and we still love it. =D
i cant wait til monday when we'll hang out again. but until then, i'm still wondering how i managed to let nearly an entire year pass without actually talking or hanging out with them. its just plain amazing that someone so close can be so far away and vice versa.
what we could have been, 11:20 pm.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air
See the lights,
See the party the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know
That you were romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quite cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this down for a little while
Cause you were romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from juliet
But you were everything to me
And I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, then try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll Make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes,
oh oh,
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you would ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts to town I said
Romeo save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said
Marry me juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talk to your dad you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Cause we were both young when I first saw you
i am totally in love with this song by taylor swift. =D its super super romantic. yeah, the whole romeo-juliet/starcrossed lovers bit has been overused but still.. call me a closet romantic. i love the whole idea of old-fashioned romance.
le sigh. i've been totally inspired by her music video (with her fetish of ball gowns) for my wedding! hhahahha. although, kat, andria, you might have to wait another bajillion years before it would probably happen but if that's the case, i'd have LOADS of money to spend for my wedding yeah? xD
what we could have been, 10:33 pm.
